Streetwise Professor

November 1, 2013

Ed: I Gotta Get Outta This Place If It’s The Last Thing I Ever Do. Russia: Here’s a Copy of Dante, Ed.

Filed under: Military,Politics,Russia — The Professor @ 7:02 pm

It is becoming clear that Edward Snowden’s theme song was penned by Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil, and performed by the Animals, in 1965, well before he was born.  But the Russian response was penned centuries before, by Dante: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

The latest episode in the Snowden farce was a visit by German parliamentarian, and noted watermelon (green on the outside, very red on the inside) Hans-Christian Stroebele.  (I’m sure you’ll be stunned to learn that he said nothing about the Greenpeace group currently facing hard time in Russian prisons for their trespass on a Gazprom rig in the Arctic.) In the meeting, Snowden gave Stroebele a letter, which included the following rather elliptical statement*:

I hope that when the difficulties of this humanitarian situation have been resolved, I will be able to cooperate in the responsible finding of fact regarding reports in the media, particularly in regard to the truth and authenticity of documents, as appropriate and in accordance with the law.

I look forward to speaking with you in your country when the situation is resolved. . .

In other words: I WANT OUT.

Not gonna happen.

First, there is no way that Merkel’s government is going to give Snowden asylum.  They may be peeved at Obama, but not that peeved.  And Poitras and her lot are deluded if they think that some Red Depends Baby legislator speaks for the German government. (By the way, the fact that Stroebele, defender of the Red Army Faction, ardent anti-American, and advocate of the legalization of incest, is on the parliamentary committee that oversees German intelligence is sufficient reason for the US to spy on the Germans.)

Second, the Russians shot down the suggestion in technicolor flames:

But Kucherena warned that if Snowden were to leave Russia, as he offered in the letter given to visiting German Greens Party member Hans-Christian Stroebele on Thursday, that his Aug. 1 asylum grant would be voided.

“He can’t leave Russia. As you know, he got refugee status and if he moves to a different country, he loses this status,”Kucherena told RT through a translator.

My, my said the spider to the fly.

When asked about testifying in Russia, Snowden demurred:

Snowden’s Russian lawyer, Anatoly Kucherena, told the Interfax news agency that Snowden would not violate the conditions of his asylum if he talked to the Germans in the wiretapping case. But Stroebele said Snowden had “significant reservations” about that idea, fearing that speaking to foreign officials on Russian soil could cause him problems.

Problems like, if he says something the FSB doesn’t like, he’s in in for some time in the cooler-or worse-to get his mind right.

So Ed is well and truly stuck in Russia. Hell, he isn’t even allowed access to Skype or YouTube.  Because, you know, he might signal “H-E-L-P M-E!” by blinking his eyes in Morse Code.

So abandon all hope, Ed. You entered Russia, and you are doomed to stay there for the duration of your miserable, natural life.

Most likely his bleak fate was determined by his ostensible savior, Wikileaks, which posted this risible tweet (h/t @Libertylynx). Sure. Wikileaks has eyes on Snowden 24/7 in Russia, but Russian intelligence doesn’t interrogate him.  Even though even Stroebele admits that the meeting with Snowden was under “strict security”.  From whom?  The Russian branch of Anonymous?

In addition to crushing Ed’s slim hopes of an exit to Germany, Kucherena also signaled that there is a huge, yawning loophole in the alleged condition for his asylum that he not engage in additional leaks.  Kucherena said that anything that Snowden provided to journalists prior to his departure from Hong Kong would not violate the condition, and since Snowden claims he gave everything to Poitras and Greenwald before then, the condition is vacuous.

Not that that’s a surprise.

It should be clear that Snowden is just a puppet of the FSB (or GRU or SVR-whatever).  The only question of when they started pulling his strings, and who else (Assange, Greenwald, Poitras, Appelbaum) knowingly assisted in the puppetry.

* The WSJ article repeatedly refers to the letter as “purportedly” from Snowden.  It’s about time that a reputable media source expresses skepticism about any communication bearing Snowden’s name.

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  1. Polonium sandwiches at the Snowden/Stroebele meeting would have really hit the spot.

    Comment by pahoben — November 1, 2013 @ 8:40 pm

  2. @pahoben. I always thought one just added a dash of polonium as a kicker in the aperitif.

    The ProfessorComment by The Professor — November 1, 2013 @ 9:44 pm

  3. > Kucherena told RT through a translator.

    Given that both Kucherena and RT are Russians, I wonder what a translator (interpreter) was doing there. Maybe like in that joke:

    – How do you call a brunette between two blondes?
    – A translator.

    Comment by Vlad1 — November 1, 2013 @ 9:56 pm

  4. @Vlad1. RT is staffed primarily by English speakers. It’s the English language branch of Russian agitprop. Hence translators are required.

    The ProfessorComment by The Professor — November 1, 2013 @ 11:23 pm

  5. So Vlad1: You’re in Russia, eh? Don’t see RT where you are? Otherwise you’d know it’s broadcast in English. So yes, they use translators. Silly, stupid you.

    Comment by L2 — November 1, 2013 @ 11:27 pm

  6. Whatever it may be worth, RT broadcasts in three languages: English, Spanish and Arabic. There is a likelihood of them launching a French broadcasting channel effective January 2104. Not a fact though.

    It has never broadcasted in Russian – that’s not their mission.

    Comment by MJ — November 2, 2013 @ 3:59 am

  7. @Professor

    No objection there so long as it is organic and produced in a carbon neutral facility.

    Comment by pahoben — November 2, 2013 @ 8:23 am

  8. Snowden is a walking definition of Sap.

    Comment by The Pilot — November 2, 2013 @ 6:34 pm

  9. Dante: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

    Almost. It’s actually Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

    Just a spot of pedantry, but I got corrected on it once and it stuck. An apt quote for the situation, nonetheless.

    Comment by Tim Newman — November 2, 2013 @ 11:45 pm

  10. @Tim. I stand corrected! (I’m sitting, actually, but you know what I mean.) Now that I’ve been corrected, I won’t forget (as you didn’t).

    The ProfessorComment by The Professor — November 3, 2013 @ 2:08 pm

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