Streetwise Professor

The past months have been chock full of episodes of Russian absurdity. Some of them are quite disturbing. Some are rather amusing. This story involving the Central Bank of Russia’s seizure of Russian lender FundServisBank is a particularly good example. The absurdity begins-but only begins-with the fact that it counts Anna Chapman as one of its “top executives.” What better signal of top notch leadership could you ask for?

The linked article includes a photograph of Anna delivering deep thoughts on “entreprenurship” (complete with diagrams!): apparently spelling was not something that Anna quite nailed during her soiree in the US.

But that’s only the beginning. The bank apparently is furious at the CBR for depriving it of its option to gamble for resurrection:

FundServisBank claimed Wednesday that it had no financial problems.

“From a purely economic point of view the bank has no problems … you start to wonder who is behind this,” FundServisBank spokesman Grigory Belkin told The Moscow Times.

“Novikombank is taking the place of FundServisBank,” Belkin said.

“It’s like there is an experienced doctor who appears and says you are ill, fatally ill. You say ‘I am alive,’ but he says ‘no, no, no!'”

This brings to mind the classic bit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with FundServisBank doing a turn in the role of Dead Person, Novikombank playing Customer, and the CBR playing Mortician:

MORTICIAN: Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here’s one — nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I’m not dead!
MORTICIAN: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing — here’s your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I’m not dead!
MORTICIAN: Here — he says he’s not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I’m not!
MORTICIAN: He isn’t.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he’s very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I’m getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you’re not — you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN: Oh, I can’t take him like that — it’s against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don’t want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don’t be such a baby.
MORTICIAN: I can’t take him…
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor…
MORTICIAN: I can’t.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won’t
be long.
MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson’s — they’ve lost nine
today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I’ll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You’re not fooling anyone y’know. Look, isn’t there
something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: I feel happy… I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.

First the Bruce Willis Bank. Now the Anna Chapman Bank. Is there nothing sacred that Russia’s creeping financial crisis will spare?